It's Just a Phase

Up until a couple years ago, I judged myself for being a "phase girl." Meaning, I would go through phases of various aspects in life. A new diet, exercise routine, supplement, wardrobe, job (fun fact: I've had 34 jobs in my life), holiday tradition, skin care routine, hair color, recreational activity, etc., etc.

I thought there was something wrong with me because I wouldn't do the same things consistently for very long. Even within my own healing/therapy practice, I'm always changing little things up...like my business cards, my website, my schedule, and my offerings (introduced Moon Ceremonies last year and I have no idea how long those will continue, but I'm having so much fun)!

Throughout my life, I have witnessed people doing the same thing for years: vacationing at the same cabin every summer, going to the same relative's house for the holidays, attending Sunday service at the same church for decades, holding the same, miserable job until retirement, etc. You get it. I never understood the repetition and desire for tradition that doesn't hold any real resonance. I wondered what issue I needed to address within me to make myself more like everyone else. To make myself enjoy all the traditions. But then I asked this critical part of me...

Why do I need to be like everyone else?

I believe the answer to that question (for most of us) is, "So I don't stand out as weird, flaky, or indecisive." But then I got curious and asked myself, "What if I accept this aspect of my personality? What if it's ok to be a Phase Girl?" And then I smiled.

Friends, on paper I look like a mess! Who goes through 34 jobs in a 21 year span and has never been fired? Who changes their home address 18 times within 43 years? Who donates clothes 10 months after purchase? Who paints daily for 6 years and then suddenly stops for no concrete reason?

I do.               

Because I'm a Phase Girl. However, on the other side of this uncommitted coin is someone who has rarely been afraid of change. I look forward to every new year and hope that it'll be different from the one before, even if the one before was stellar!

My spiritual phase began in evangelical Christianity and has now landed me in the space of recognizing the divine within me, within each of us -- through Tarot, Buddhism, Evolutionary Astrology, Carl Jung, Adyshanti, Meggan Watterson, Pema Chödrön, Tosha Silver, therapists & healers, and the various mediums of soul-attracting art. Huge change.

I changed the way I do Mother's Day. Instead of trying to come up with "family-fun" activities like I used to do (because let's be honest - that's what is expected of mothers, even on Mother's Day), I take myself on a solo retreat and do what I want with my brief time away. When I return to my family, I am rejuvenated, appreciate them more, and easily more present.

Of course the dark side of this coin has the potential for chronic inconsistency and quitting before really getting started. I've battled those demons, too and realized fighting them was not the answer.

Befriending them is.                    

Berating myself has never worked. It just gave my (lack of) focus someone to blame and my nervous system a reason to shut down. But when I started treating this shadow part of me with compassion and became curious to her resistance, I learned that she just wanted to be seen and understood. She wanted to be more than something to accomplish. She was curious about stepping outside of traditions & expectations and needed to test those boundaries.

So I offered her tenderness and space to explore, like a loving parent would. And when I did that, it became easier to stay consistent with what truly mattered and to define consistency according to Lisha, not the external world.

I may not move my body every single day, but most days I do.
I may not write down my gratitudes daily, but most days I do.
I may not meditate everyday, but most days I do.
And what I've noticed over time is that some of these things, with some ease, do become more and more consistent.

The energy of compassion is easier to embody and integrate than the energy of hate.      

When we stop abandoning ourselves, it becomes challenging to shut down, distract, and continue the excuse-making. When we stop abandoning ourselves, serving our highest good becomes more viable. When we stop abandoning ourselves, it becomes easier to be held in presence, in Love.